Monday, February 12, 2007


So, I dont think I wrote about this... so here it goes

I started dating someone who will now and forever be referred to as shithead before I left Germany. HE wanted to have a long distance relationship. I told him it would be hard, but he insisted. So I said Alright, whatever. Hey, I really did like the guy, and dont I deserve some damn happiness in this life?

Well, things seemed to be going alright, until one day I get "THE EMAIL". You know the one, where the shithead is basically breaking up with you without EVER saying that he is breaking up with you? Yeah, well, I was pissed off. So I bought ticket for Germany and I went so he could tell me to my face.

So, I get to Germany, and I am all nerves and stuff, but I end up not even seeing shithead. I left him a note in his room that said "I was in town, thought I would stop by and say hi" and left my plane ticket stubs on top of it from my arrival. But I did this 2 hours before I got on the plane to leave.

But guess who I did see? Well, I called him and told him I was in Heidelberg, and the first thing he did when he found out where I was was grab some clothes, get in the car, and drive about 3 hours to spend the weekend with me.

Figure it out yet?


Yep, the ever famous penisman.

The one who didnt want me, got engaged to someone else, then realized he didnt want to marry her, who is now back from Iraq and stationed back in Germany, but not at the same place where we were stationed before. That PENISMAN.

Spent the weekend with me.

So, I asked him, why are you here?

He doesnt know.



He did admit that he misses me.

We went out and had a GREAT!!!!! time with friends.

We had some fun together as well, heh.

I did tell him he ruined my life, although that was more in jest than anything.

But yes, I did tell him EXACTLY how I felt.

And he STILL didnt walk away. He STILL stayed. I will never understand that man.

But, we stayed at this German Hotel that had a bathtub that I swear could hold 4 grown people in it, so I decided that I was taking a bubble bath.

Yes, he joined me, but no, we did not, uh, you know.

We took a 3 hour bath, and talked about all sorts of off the wall crap, we talked about his short lived engagement and what was going through his mind during all of that, and came to the conclusion that I am the best woman in the whole wide world.

And when I left, amazingly enough, I didnt feel at a loss. I didnt feel sorrow. I felt happiness for having seen him, for having been able to spend time with him. Time that I thought I would never have with him.

The whole way over there, since I was actually going to see someone else, I kept praying to God to please make it alright. Please just make it alright.

Funny how He answers prayers.

Because it is ok. Shithead is a shithead.

And I am still in love with the man who cant commit to anything.

But its ok.

At least, it is OK today.

Monday, January 22, 2007

So, I am back in Oklahoma....

and I am back in my house.

The movers have brought all my things to me.

I have cable, internet, and a phone again.

I am enrolled in school.... 18 hours this semester.

I am not working, because screw it, I dont want to.

And I am happy to be here.

Although I am really upset about the Saints losing to the Bears today. They really blew it.

Oh well, I guess there is always next year!

Thursday, November 16, 2006

The movers

They are here.

As I type this.

My stuff is getting packed up.

There is a guy in my bedroom.

Thank goodness I remembered to get rid of certain things.


And another guy is wrapping up my sofa.

Bye bye sofa!

I will see you again in January!

It is noisy.

And some other guys are painting the stairwell outside of my door.

I wonder how this is going to work.

Oh well. I dont have to worry about it. Someone else is packing me.

This is kinda exciting..... scary, but exciting.

I am actually moving.

I am really getting out.

It is now reality.


I am about to have a panic attack.

Friday, November 03, 2006


I believe in God.

The God of Abraham.

I believe that Muslims are a break-off from the family tree - sons of Abraham as well, blessed with the riches of the Earth, but angry. Just like the Bible teaches.

Why do I believe in God?

Because I do.

I can not give you factual reasons why I believe in God. That is why it is called FAITH.

Could I be wrong?

Sure. I have been wrong many times in my life.

I will admit that freely. But it doesnt change the fact that I still believe in Him.

Would I define myself as a Christian?

Well, I believe in Jesus Christ so yes. But I know that I do not actively follow all teachings of the Bible, so no.

I have a long way to go in this walk of mine.

And I know it.

But again, no I can not PROVE to anyone that He exists. You either have FAITH or you don't.

Now, do I think that just because I believe he exists and that Jesus died for my sins, it means that I am going to Heaven? Nope.

I am ending this post now.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

About 3 weeks

and then I am OUT!




I am very excitied about this!

Except for the fact that last night I watched Flight 93 or United 93, or whatever it is called, and now I am scared to get on a darn plane.


Oh well. I will be home before Thanksgiving.


Monday, October 30, 2006


So, LTC Diggs told me this afternoon that he has my paperwork.

Which means that he is going to be signing it, since he is the acting commander.

And since LTC Diggs is one of people who actually listened to me, and thinks that I was getting screwed......

He should sign it quickly enough!

SO! If all goes well, I should be out of here in 3 weeks!!!!!!!!!!


So, here are some photos. Remember, when I wrote the captions, that it was freaking like 2 am and I had been awake for 22 hours, after getting about 5 to 6 hours of sleep after not sleeping for about another 22 hours. lol. Road trips take all of your sleep away!

Friday, October 27, 2006

Well, you know that they say

how every road leads to Rome?

Its True!

(well, at least the roads that I took to get there.... lol)

Anyways, had a fantabulous time, other than, this time we had booked hotel rooms and printed out a map, and you know, we couldnt find that damn hotel to save our lives.


I mean, we did eventually find it.



But, its all good, cause while we were driving around, we saw a LOT of cool stuff.

People, I stood in the VATICAN! And saw Pope John Paul II's Tomb.



I was at the Spanish Steps!

I saw ruins from thousands of years ago!



Is that cool, or what?

Now, Rome is a dirty place, people. Dirty. Crap everywhere. Graffiti on pretty much every building. Buildings that are hundreds upon hundreds of years old.

Oh, I saw where Mussolini gave his speeches to the people. That was pretty cool.

I drove in Rome.

I drove through the SWISS ALPS.

Those things are G OR G E O U S.

Even if there are tunnels that are 20 Kilometers long. Blah.

Anyways, I am back, I made it, I am alive.

Even if I did take that turn going down a one way right next to the Collusuem, almost sealing everyone in my vehicles fate by crazy Roman drivers.


But that is a story for another day!

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Going to Italy

Alrighty guys, in about oh, assoonasifinishwritingthis, I am off to Rome. Hopefully I can veer off to Pisa on the way. Anyways, just wanted you all to know that *I* am going to Rome. Yippeee!

Monday, October 23, 2006


Sunday, October 22, 2006

Whatsherface, Penisman, and a last minute Trip through (part IV)

So onward back towards Germany we are heading now. And the country side is beautiful.

We get back to Heidelberg around 11 pm.... and I log onto myspace.

Surfing around, look at whatsherface's page, and she has this blog about me.

Something about calling me crazy for having looked at her page, and blah blah blah.

WTF Over?

And a message from Penisman telling me that he loves her and that he is going to spend the rest of his life with whatsherface.


And a message from whatsherface telling me that her and penisman love each other and that they plan on getting married.


Now, people, I was not acting crazy. I was not emailing her, or writing shit about her, or talking shit to him, or anything like that.

I *looked* at her myspace page.

Granted, maybe more than once, but still, all I did was *look* at her page.

But she has a BLOG about me.

And *I* am the crazy one?

Uh, yeah, ok.

But you know what? I havent cried. It doesnt hurt as much as I thought it would. Maybe I understand the door is closed. Maybe I am over it.

But maybe, this road trip was better for me than I thought possible.

I saw things that have stood the test of war, politics, time, and change.

I saw monuments and rolling hills that have been there for thousands of years.

I saw beauty in the nothingness, the openness.

I DROVE the streets of Paris.

I saw the Mona Lisa.

And you what?

I think she is smiling too.

Smiling at me, because she knows that like all those other things, I will stand the test of war, love, politics, and time.

I am unbreakable.

Because I make myself that way.

Whatsherface, Penisman, and a last minute trip through (part III)

So, we went back to the Eiffel Tower, caught a cab, and said,


When we pulled up, my breath was literally taken away. This place is not only gorgeous, it is massive. And everyone under 18 is free.

And all unemployed persons.

And EVERYONE is free on the first Sunday of the month.

Talk about sharing art with the world.

The place was comfortable. It was not "museum" quiet. It had a vibrance, an attitude, a life of its own.

The children were great.

Now, what to see in Louvre? I mean, it is a musuem that takes days to see, and we only had a couple of hours.

So, we went into Donan hall.

We saw Egyptian things, (MUMMIES!), anatomically correct sculptures, (MOMMA! LOOK AT HIS WEE WEE!), a gallery of Donatello, beautiful ceilings, 17th century paintings that were each the most beautiful thing you ever saw -

and the Mona Lisa.

The guard let us get a little bit closer than the crowd, because of the little kids that were with us. (YAY FOR KIDS!)

We stood there for about 10 minutes. My 7 year old was enthralled.

I know that everyone has seen a reproduction of the Mona Lisa. And, like many, I always thought, "whats the big deal?"

Well, when I saw it, I realized what the big deal was.

I was moved. Tears welled up in my eyes.

And my 7 year old told me that the Mona Lisa, "is smiling".

So that solves that mystery.

We looked at the rest of the hall, went outside to let the kids run around, (chasing the pigeons is what they were doing) and then decided, lets not press our luck by bringing the kids back into the museum.

So we got into a taxi and went back to the Eiffel Tower to get to our car.

Again, we still dont have a map.

So, we drove around Paris for about an hour and half, looking for the highway.

We kinda followed tour buses, to maximize our experience.

So, I never walked into the Notre Dame.


Among many many other things.

Well, much to my dismay, (and relief) we found the highway, got on it, and paid to get out of Paris.

Whatsherface, Penisman, and a last minute trip through (part II)

So, as we were sitting in line to pay the toll to get INTO Paris... we see the security guys standing around. Nothing major, it looks like.


All of a sudden, they are running, pulling out their guns, other security guys are coming out from the bushes, and they are ambushing this car, yanking people out of it, slamming them against the vehicle.

Now, this was kinda funny, because, come on, if it isnt happening to you, its funny.

It was kinda scary, because, come on, terrorism is a reality, and my liscense plates on my vehicle say USA.

It was kinda comforting, because they obvisouly knew what they were looking for, found it, and took care of it.

Alright, so now we have paid to get into Paris, (You have to pay to leave as well - ha!) and we are driving along.

Did I mention that we do not have a map? We never had a map. We have gone this whole way without a map.

So, we have no idea where we are going.

We got to Paris as the sun was setting.....

And we found the Eiffel Tower after the sun went down. It was all lit up - gorgeous.

After going to 3 hotels, we found rooms at the 3rd one. Best Western. Yeah, I know. All the way to Paris to stay in a Best Western? Well, you know, I did have children with me, and I wanted a name that I knew. It was nice, though. RIght by the Gallerie La Fayette.

Then we went to bed. (We had children with us! They couldnt participate in the night life! Shush!)

In the morning, we went to the Eiffel Tower, all the way to the top. Stunning. Then we walked around the park behind the tower, let the kids play on the playground, paid 3.50 Euro for a coca cola - a 12 OUNCE - and rested our legs a bit. We werent going to be staying in Paris more than a day, so we really had to decide what we wanted to see. Going up the Eiffel Tower took about 1.5 hours, and the park another hour, so, we didnt have all the time in the world.

So, we chose.

And we chose the Lourve.

Whatsherface, Penisman, and a last minute trip through (Part I)

4 countries in 3 days.

Yes, people, I have done a lot in the last 5 days!

For starters, I decided Wednesday, around 5 pm, with my best friend Tasha, to go on a road trip starting on Thursday. (This was around the time we were driving through the town where penisman lived, and I had this overwhelming feeling to just get the HELL out of here!)

So, Thursday morning came, and we loaded up the car, got the kiddos buckled in, (yes, we took all 3 children - one 7, two 4) and went on our merry way.

The plan was to go to Trier. But there is a town on the way to Trier called Oppau, and that is where the engagementman used to live, before he went back to Australia. So, we stopped by and took a picture of building he lived in. Hey, memories!

That was a quick drive by.

Back on the road... we decided to stop by Idar Oberstein - a town on the way to Trier as well. It is a beautiful place.... the church sits IN the side of the mountain. Not ON the side, but IN the side. It was also raining, and the kids were fighting over who was holding the umbrellas, so we bought them each their own to make them happy. It then promptly stopped raining, and didnt rain again for the rest of the trip.

After Idar Oberstein, we were back on our way to Trier. But then we saw the Luxembourg sign, (which is a country!) and said, what the heck? So we bypassed Trier, saying that we could always stop on our way back.

Then we saw the Belgium sign. So, what the heck, right?

We stopped in Bastgone, saw the World War II Memorial to the Allied Forces, (America) for saving the city, all that cool stuff. And it was cool.

We stayed the night there, and ate at this beautiful Italian restaurant. Although Tasha ordered the kids seafood pizza, because her French isnt all that up to speed. :)

After Bastgone, we were heading towards Brussels, when we saw the Euro Space Center. So we stopped and let the kids run around the planet park.

Back towards Brussels......

Brussels is BEAUTIFUL. Maginficent. Amazing. I can not even describe how beautiful this city is.

So, we went and did some sight seeing, some shopping, got some lunch, but you know what we DID NOT do? Eat Waffles. Now, how retarded is that?

So, we got back in the car, and we were getting on the highway, and we saw a sign for Paris.

Guess what we did.

Yep! We drove to Paris.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

I am sick

Sick Sick Sick.

So, it appears that penisman is venturing into a quasi relationship with someone.

And it isnt me.

And that makes me feel sick.

But whats worse, is that for the last three days, we have spoken for over 12 hours.

Conversations going into all directions.

He spoke of being sorry that I was hurting, he didnt want me to hurt.

When I talked about how marriage freaked me out, he asked,

"What makes you think anything would be different between you and I?"

He said as much as he would love to see me, if he does become involved in a relationship with whatsherface, that he could not, because of what might happen.

I said what might happen? Really?

Well, he seems to think that he would "be" with me if he saw me.


Then he said he was confused.

And that he was going to think about why he is doing what he is doing, in regards to me, and us, and her, and them.

Did I mention that this person is an ex girlfriend from 5 years ago who pissed him off so much, he MOVED OUT OF THE STATE TO GET AWAY FROM HER?

Men are such confusing creatures.

And I have never been happier about my decision to leave this place.

But why in the world, if he is thinking about getting involved with whatsherface, is he talking to me for hours on end?

Why is it that when he pops on Yahoo IM, he is iming me..... when my screenname isnt even lit up showing I am online?

These things confuse me more and more....

but in the end....

I can not live my life for anyone other than me.

And I guess this is something that he is just going to have to figure out on his own.

Monday, October 16, 2006

North Korea is just a little pissed off boy

who says,


Or, thinks, that since they have a really cool toy, that they should be allowed to sit at the grown-up table during Thanksgiving Dinner.

But they are not allowed to sit at that grown up table, so they get ticked off and decide to show everyone their new toy.

What a bunch of asses.

Like a warped child who has been left to his own devices to "raise" himself, North Korea needs an ass-beating.


I mean, at least Iran is like a pissed off teenager. They don't even want to talk to the "grown-ups". They are going to do what they are going to do no matter what the "grown-ups" say. So the "grown-ups" need to take the freaking car keys away from said teenager, and not allow him to go on dates. Unless, of course, he wants to ride his bike.

I know that these are really serious issues, but I cant help but see some humor in it.



Was I the only person who laughed at this gesture?

I know the issue is really complicated, with China and Russia not wanting to go "too" tough on them, due to the refugee issue which will arise.

I know it is complicated, because we dont want South Korea to be attacked by the North.

I know it is complicated because Japan WANTS to blow them off the map, but there are a lot of harbored ill feelings towards Japan by the other countries from the emperial rule.

But diplomicy does NOT work with people who are unreasonable. It does not work when you are the one that has to give give give.

When your children are misbehaving, do you give them things they want to make them behave?

What is learned from this type of behavior? That if they act up, they can get what they want?


You dont have to know where the bombs are to bomb them.

I mean, you can still bomb infrastructure.

Of course, that would start WWIII, many believe.

But what is the point in having a world body (THE UN) that is ineffective?

What is the point of having the most lethal military in the world (GO U.S.A!) if NO ONE GIVES A DAMN BECAUSE THEY KNOW YOU WILL NOT REALLY USE IT? (damnit. We dont use it. At least, not in the right places, at the right times, in the right magnitude.)

Thursday, October 12, 2006

Letter to myself

Today I wrote a letter to myself.


It was sad, happy, uplifiting, filled with memories.


Today I went and helped set up the Volksfest.

I ran it last year.

It is where I met penisman.

All the same rides are there. Rides that we rode.

I stood in the same spot that we stood the day we met.

The weather seems strangly familiar.

And I felt a pang.

I miss that retard.

And it was hard.

But I am going tomorrow night when it opens, and I am riding every ride that we rode together all by myself.

Just because.

And I am going to take a picture of it to, and send it to him.

Because I am a glutton for punishment.

Sunday, October 08, 2006

It is that time of year

Where I reflect.

Now I know that a lot of people reflect during the beginning of the year... not towards the end of the year, but hey, this is me.

When Fall rolls around, it reminds me of so many things. That first brisk chill in the air..... reminds me of every other time I felt that first brisk chill.

I do not know why Spring, Summer, or winter do not have this effect on me.

It is just Fall.

Maybe it is because I know this is the last chance of the year before winter comes with its bitter cold.

I open the curtains. I let the sun shine in. I open the windows, I feel the breeze through the house.

I start taking out decorations. October marks the beginning of the decorating season - which ends in January when the Christmas stuff comes down. I get excitied about seeing my things again. I take such delight in hanging up all the garlands and swags. The house looks more homey; more like a place in which I want to dwell.

I am clean freak by nature, but this time of year, cleaning takes on a new purpose. If only I can get rid of all these things that I have collected throughout the year, I can start anew. Fresh.

Or maybe I am just crazy.

But I dont think so.

I feel the changes. They are happening all around me. The trees changing colors and losing leaves; the grass becoming not so green. The sunlight, it changes, the days getting darkers earlier. And I feel a change within myself. I feel myself shedding off the old parts of me, metamorphising into something new.

More beautiful.

More fulfilled.

More Complete.

More into the woman that I am supposed to become.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

In case you DID NOT KNOW

Today is my Birthday.


So, what did I do this glorious day of days?


OK, I did some scrapbooking, watched Poisiden, played with my youngest daughter, took a nap, my friend Tasha came over and cooked for me, had birthday cake, called my mother to tell her how old she was getting, and that is about it.

This is the most uneventful birthday that I have had, ever. And that includes the birthdays I had while Pregnant.

But, I guess that is what happens when you start getting older.

WELCOME TO 28 YEARS OLD! ONLY 2 MORE YEARS UNTIL 30! Good God..... what is happening to me??????? :)

And more scrapbooking

I am on a roll! (Well, I have been home from work the last 3 days because the youngest daughter is "sick"..... So, I have had a lot of time on my hands.

So, here they are!

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

This is of me and the dateman, Christopher. :)

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

This is of my oldest daughter

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

And this is a page I did for a friend of mine who just got married.